I wake up to see nothing but dark yellow. And the smell is just so awful. Where am I I cant move at all. I hear what sounds like a bush moving around. I look up to see a small gap, a blue sky and clouds. Then I remember, uh oh im stuck in a HAYSTACK…
I hear the child that dropped me, he sounds like hes trying to find me. I try to make a noise but i forgot that im a needle. I try moving an- OUCH he stepped on me. His hand hovers over me just missing me, i see a very blinding light. its a phone flashlight he picks me up and i can breathe again.
Oh wow! It was surprising to read about the phone’s flashlight. I love that! This was such a visceral retelling of what it might feel like to be caught in the middle of a haystack.
I love that you’re eight-year-old wrote it just that way. A fantastic start to a writing life. I especially liked that you’re eight-year-old said they were last, but not least.
And here is mine. Wasn’t the direction I thought it’d go in actually but that’s what makes it fun and interesting! My boys and i had a lot of fun doing this together and sharing with each other after!
I am a needle lost in a haystack. Some say that’s impossible to find. An adult may give up looking for me. My worth is not much to them plus the adult life is so busy. But a child is looking for me. And for that I am grateful. A child has more time it seems which isn’t that funny since we are all given the same 24 hours? But what do I know? I’m just a needle currently lost in a haystack. I can hear her voice, she is getting so close. But I also hear her mother calling her away, telling her to forget about me…what is so special about a needle? Her mother means well, most adults do. But it’s like they’ve forgotten what it’s like to be a child…
WOW! I love the felt sense of time, adult versus child view, and the desire to let the child just be a child without all that pressure of time. Just wonderful!!
Ugh! So much hay! I know she's looking for me, and I thought I'd try to help, but sometimes I worry we'll never find eachother and I'm making it wors. It just semd impossible. (My 9yo's 5 minute free write.)
I am a nelie, I got lost in some hay, "HAY! very rude!" I thought, and now it looks like a big yellow pellow, and then i saw a big hand it was ponking around, and i tried to say "Help me i down here!" but nelie could not speak, and then i tired to moveing around and the hand grabbed me YAY!!!!
THE END
Is the offering of my 10 year old who typed this in herself :) My 13 yo wrote a tragic tale of sad needle, and I wrote a horror-ish evil needle ballad. 10 year old keen to share, 13 yo not. :)
And if we're being brave, I'll post mine here too:
"HELP!"
I can't believe they lost me in here. It's so cliche I can hardly stand it, but here I am. A needle. Lost in a haystack.
I am deep in the middle somewhere. I mean, I don't know that for sure, but I figure I must be deep down because I can't see any light.
Then again, I have no eyes.
(Well, I have one eye, but that's beside the point!)
I feel the faint rustling of pokey hay around me. Grubby little hands probing the pile to find little old me. There's no way they'll actually find me. I'll probably be lost in here forever!
The child was supposed to fetch me from the sewing kit for Mama, which they DID, but...well, somewhere along the way they got distracted. The barn is a fantastically distracting place. But I have a job to do, and Mama needs me! And we certainly can't leave a sharp, pointy needle in a haystack. Someone could fall onto me! An animal could eat me!
No, no. This would never do.
Suddenly, searching hands find me! At last! I am saved!
Hopefully, the child learns a valuable lesson from all of this. I mean, they probably won't, but one can hope, right?
After all, I definitely do NOT want to find myself lost in a haystack ever again!
I adore yours, but this line is chef’s kiss: “Well, I have one eye, but that's beside the point!” The eye and the point of a needle so perfectly woven into this sentence and metaphor! Well done!!
I had my 10yo w/ dysgraphia use a voice recorder and transciption app, here it is!
"I am a needle within a haystack. Why am I being tortured like this? Is there any stop to this torture I wonder? Oh light. Not enough to be a human looking for me. Well anyway I can escape I'll take the first chance I get.
How loud am I? They want to be a good, but loud, so the humans don't know I am alive, boys and girls, so no more, giving away we're alive or else. You know what? What the hurrah? You, you don't know me.
You know me. You know me. I am a god to you cause of long I stayed in the haystack. Hay, hay, haystack. It took a tiny baby until he was 13 to find a movie. It took 30 years from birth to death to find me.
So yeah, I will never be the same after such a horrible experience. So no more. I will not fight me. Haystack any, any, any more. You get it. So now it is time for just music or wait. A-ba da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da"
Here are my daughters’ freewrites just as they were written:
My 11 year old:
Needle in a haystack,
Teenie, tiny pin
Hurry up and find me,
Find me here within
This is itchy, itchy hay…
Hooray, hooray!
Needle out of haystack,
In a child’s hands.
I glitter in the sunlight,
Happy to be free,
Soon I’ll be making
An embroidered tapestry.
My 9 year old:
“Aaaaah! A hand what’s it doing?! How do I get myself out of here? there’s hay every where I don’t know…Aaaaaa! There’s that hand eeek it’s it’s grabbing me!” “Ahha there you are!” “Oh it’s a girl.” “Now I can go do my embroydery.”
The personification of the needle is so delightful! "eeek" and then "Oh it's a girl" and following on with embroidery is perfect. The fright followed by trust really comes through.
The rhyme scheme is charming, but it's the flip in the middle (Needle out of haystack) that really did it for me! Reminds me of the poetic form called a Diamante. You start with one view and then flip it around to the opposite halfway through. Brilliantly done!
Here is my 8 year old’s exactly as he typed it
I walk up to see hay I her a kid looking for me
I am a niledl in a hay sak last but not lest
I love ies crmm
D end ez
And my 10 year old’s:
I wake up to see nothing but dark yellow. And the smell is just so awful. Where am I I cant move at all. I hear what sounds like a bush moving around. I look up to see a small gap, a blue sky and clouds. Then I remember, uh oh im stuck in a HAYSTACK…
I hear the child that dropped me, he sounds like hes trying to find me. I try to make a noise but i forgot that im a needle. I try moving an- OUCH he stepped on me. His hand hovers over me just missing me, i see a very blinding light. its a phone flashlight he picks me up and i can breathe again.
Oh wow! It was surprising to read about the phone’s flashlight. I love that! This was such a visceral retelling of what it might feel like to be caught in the middle of a haystack.
He really used the senses. And I love that he used an em dash to show an interruption!
Yes! That versatile em dash!
I love that you’re eight-year-old wrote it just that way. A fantastic start to a writing life. I especially liked that you’re eight-year-old said they were last, but not least.
And here is mine. Wasn’t the direction I thought it’d go in actually but that’s what makes it fun and interesting! My boys and i had a lot of fun doing this together and sharing with each other after!
I am a needle lost in a haystack. Some say that’s impossible to find. An adult may give up looking for me. My worth is not much to them plus the adult life is so busy. But a child is looking for me. And for that I am grateful. A child has more time it seems which isn’t that funny since we are all given the same 24 hours? But what do I know? I’m just a needle currently lost in a haystack. I can hear her voice, she is getting so close. But I also hear her mother calling her away, telling her to forget about me…what is so special about a needle? Her mother means well, most adults do. But it’s like they’ve forgotten what it’s like to be a child…
WOW! I love the felt sense of time, adult versus child view, and the desire to let the child just be a child without all that pressure of time. Just wonderful!!
Thank you!
"But it's like they've forgotten what it's like to be a child..."
OOH. I felt that. Fantastic work!
Thank you!! I love yours too
My 11 year old decided to make his poetic:
I heard the hay rustle, the child in a tussle, they shook and shook like a rook until she went away.
She came back one day, a little in dismay, she looked and looked until she went away.
I looked around one day, a needle in the day, I wept and wept until I went away.
"She lost me in the hay!" I cried out one day, but no matter how long, I sadly went away.
"I am found!" I say, a needle in the day, for long I wept until I left the hay.
Wow! That’s a freewrite? I am floored! How gorgeous and inspiring. I love all the internal assonance of looked and shook and rook. Wow!
He says, "Thanks! I love making rhymes!"
My 11 year old did a poem too!
Ugh! So much hay! I know she's looking for me, and I thought I'd try to help, but sometimes I worry we'll never find eachother and I'm making it wors. It just semd impossible. (My 9yo's 5 minute free write.)
Hurray!!! I love the exclamation points— and the insight into “making it worse” by trying to find her… well done!
I am a nelie, I got lost in some hay, "HAY! very rude!" I thought, and now it looks like a big yellow pellow, and then i saw a big hand it was ponking around, and i tried to say "Help me i down here!" but nelie could not speak, and then i tired to moveing around and the hand grabbed me YAY!!!!
THE END
Is the offering of my 10 year old who typed this in herself :) My 13 yo wrote a tragic tale of sad needle, and I wrote a horror-ish evil needle ballad. 10 year old keen to share, 13 yo not. :)
Haha! This sounds like a fabtastic writing expedition waa had by all! I enjoyed the “Hay” as a greeting. 😉 perfect homonym double duty!
And if we're being brave, I'll post mine here too:
"HELP!"
I can't believe they lost me in here. It's so cliche I can hardly stand it, but here I am. A needle. Lost in a haystack.
I am deep in the middle somewhere. I mean, I don't know that for sure, but I figure I must be deep down because I can't see any light.
Then again, I have no eyes.
(Well, I have one eye, but that's beside the point!)
I feel the faint rustling of pokey hay around me. Grubby little hands probing the pile to find little old me. There's no way they'll actually find me. I'll probably be lost in here forever!
The child was supposed to fetch me from the sewing kit for Mama, which they DID, but...well, somewhere along the way they got distracted. The barn is a fantastically distracting place. But I have a job to do, and Mama needs me! And we certainly can't leave a sharp, pointy needle in a haystack. Someone could fall onto me! An animal could eat me!
No, no. This would never do.
Suddenly, searching hands find me! At last! I am saved!
Hopefully, the child learns a valuable lesson from all of this. I mean, they probably won't, but one can hope, right?
After all, I definitely do NOT want to find myself lost in a haystack ever again!
I adore yours, but this line is chef’s kiss: “Well, I have one eye, but that's beside the point!” The eye and the point of a needle so perfectly woven into this sentence and metaphor! Well done!!
Many thanks! I love that we can do these exercises right alongside our kids!
I had my 10yo w/ dysgraphia use a voice recorder and transciption app, here it is!
"I am a needle within a haystack. Why am I being tortured like this? Is there any stop to this torture I wonder? Oh light. Not enough to be a human looking for me. Well anyway I can escape I'll take the first chance I get.
How loud am I? They want to be a good, but loud, so the humans don't know I am alive, boys and girls, so no more, giving away we're alive or else. You know what? What the hurrah? You, you don't know me.
You know me. You know me. I am a god to you cause of long I stayed in the haystack. Hay, hay, haystack. It took a tiny baby until he was 13 to find a movie. It took 30 years from birth to death to find me.
So yeah, I will never be the same after such a horrible experience. So no more. I will not fight me. Haystack any, any, any more. You get it. So now it is time for just music or wait. A-ba da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da"
Hahaha! The ending is wild and fun! Great comment: “took 30 years from birth to death to find me”
Here are my daughters’ freewrites just as they were written:
My 11 year old:
Needle in a haystack,
Teenie, tiny pin
Hurry up and find me,
Find me here within
This is itchy, itchy hay…
Hooray, hooray!
Needle out of haystack,
In a child’s hands.
I glitter in the sunlight,
Happy to be free,
Soon I’ll be making
An embroidered tapestry.
My 9 year old:
“Aaaaah! A hand what’s it doing?! How do I get myself out of here? there’s hay every where I don’t know…Aaaaaa! There’s that hand eeek it’s it’s grabbing me!” “Ahha there you are!” “Oh it’s a girl.” “Now I can go do my embroydery.”
9 Year old:
The personification of the needle is so delightful! "eeek" and then "Oh it's a girl" and following on with embroidery is perfect. The fright followed by trust really comes through.
11 year old:
The rhyme scheme is charming, but it's the flip in the middle (Needle out of haystack) that really did it for me! Reminds me of the poetic form called a Diamante. You start with one view and then flip it around to the opposite halfway through. Brilliantly done!
Thank you. We’ll be looking up that poetic form!