The Natural Stages of Development for Home Educators

Your kids aren't the only ones who go through stages of growth.

As you ease back into your routine for the coming semester (or year, if you're down under), you may be wishing you had a little more spring in your step. Even as a home educator, you go through your own developmental stages. Let's talk about them because it may help you feel more comfortable with your journey and give you some ideas to add a little spice to your day-to-day operations.

By the way: this is looooong post so read it with a cup of tea. Take some time with it.

In Brave Writer we talk a lot about the natural stages of growth for young writers—helping you help your kids move naturally through the developmental steps that lead to fluency in writing.

There are also natural stages of development for homeschool instructors. See if you can identify your stage and share about it in the comments. Today’s post is free and public so if you want to share it with a friend, that may help them too!

Stage 1 – Jumping In!

Most home educators jump into homeschooling without any formal training. We’re drawn to the notion of bonded family, participating in our children’s firsts, and the idea that we can provide a better or different learning experience than the school system…but we don’t necessarily know what the heck we’re doing!

The blossoming home educator is enthusiastic! Your kids? Maybe, maybe not. Expect little or no change in them. This isn't their big adventure, after all—they’re just living at home with you as usual. As a result, remember: your homeschool is your adventure and it’s a wonderful one!

The jumping-in stage may last anywhere from 6-12 months, no matter what ages your kids are.

Re-up your energy: Indulge in reading Substacks, books, social media. Schedule time each day to be inspired by ideas. Test models of planning, explore new-to-you ways to teach typical subjects like math or spelling, and give yourself big permission to geek out on learning theory. It’s also perfectly fine to park your kids in front of “Bluey” while you do some of this research.

Stage 2 – Playing School

Your excitement might have carried you over a number of obstacles during your first year, but eventually the reality of homeschool sets in—the day-to-day routine and responsibility is draining.

When the “new” energy fades, you may get resistance from your kids, too.

As a result, many home educators fall back on what they know: they create a miniature school, including a classroom setup, strict schedule, and familiar curriculum. They assume more structure will give them security and confidence to continue.

The trouble is: home is not the same as school. What works in a school building works less well in a living room. School is about buildings, instructors, schedules, curriculum, expectations, standards, and pressure. Home is where you get away from all that. How to learn at home is your mission, not how to recreate a school at home.

Re-up your energy: Embrace the properties of home. Add tea and treats to poetry. Take math worksheets to the cozy nook in the sectional and work them on a clipboard. Play all morning and push lessons until after lunch. Use Saturday morning for a read aloud or freewriting session. Include the other parent. Let your homeschool school feel homey. See my book The Brave Learner for more ideas.

Stage 3 – Following the “Method”

After you get exhausted playing school, most homeschoolers adopt a new-to-you methodology for learning, even for a season. Brave Writer is an example of an alternative approach to writing. You might be attracted to unschooling or classical education or Charlotte Mason’s six volume series about learning.

Try a methodology the way you might try a new recipe for chicken. Test it and see if it works for you. Give yourself six weeks of testing before you tweak and adapt.

There’s the danger of becoming a method "purist,” though.

You can’t guarantee results by following a plan perfectly.

Every model of learning requires some personalization and flexibility. If you try something new and it doesn’t go well, that’s good information for your family.

Acknowledge that even sincere people can have different experiences using the same philosophy or method.

Re-up your energy: The best way forward is to experiment with a new model for learning. Let your kids in on your new strategy: "I thought we'd try studying history chronologically" or "Let's see how this online math class works" or "For the next two weeks, we're only going to follow your interests and see what we learn." Include your kids’ feedback as you test new methods.

Stage 4 – Swapping Curriculum

After investing in one method, it's inevitable that you’ll hit a wall. All experiences become routine and dull at some point. So what do you do? Most homeschoolers swap curriculum!

And you know what? Sometimes this works!

However, what works for one child may not work for another, so don’t fall back into the trap of believing you’ve found “the answer” to home education. Conversely, don’t swap too often or too quickly. That whiplash can add stress to learning.

Think of the variety of curricula as tools you use to play in a sandbox. Don’t assume new materials will save your homeschool. On the other hand, just the attempt to try something new can re-energize a weary homeschool family.

Re-up your energy: Flip through a book with your kids looking for a single page or activity they want to try. Make a notebook of all the fun stuff you and your kids want to do that comes from sources you already own.

Stage 5 – Trusting Yourself

After you’ve been through all of those developmental stages, gained information, and experienced a lot of failure, you’ll finally be able to lay a solid foundation for home education.

You’re in charge of your homeschool experience and can trust yourself!

Re-up your energy: Take stock of how far you’ve come! This is a great time to pursue your own interests with real pleasure, guilt-free.

Stage 6 – The “Re-Upping” Moment

If you start homeschooling with your first child in Kindergarten, you’ll reach stage five and start trusting yourself around junior high. Turn around twice and uh-oh! High school!

Homeschooling high school is like starting from scratch all over again!

The good news: you’ve already gone through all of these stages once, so it should be easier and faster to move through them this time.

This is not just a re-upping moment for you as a home educator, but for everyone in the family—and your children’s point of view about their education matters.

I’ll share more about homeschooling teens on this Substack, coming soon.

Re-up your energy: Mix it up! High School is a time to allow your teen to make some of the calls. Invite a big juicy conversation about what that teen would like to experience and then make it happen.

Stage 7 – Us-Schooling

When you’ve gone through the stages again, taking your children’s opinions into account to build a unique methodology around your family’s needs, you’ll arrive at the most satisfying styles of learning: “Us-schooling.”

Your homeschool won’t look like mine or anyone else’s—it’ll look like your family. This helpful way of labeling your unique homeschool was offered to me by one of our Brave Writer families: “us-schooling,” as an alternative to “unschooling.” I adore it!

Re-up your energy: Oh wait! You won’t need to re-up in this stage!

Stage 8 – The Veteran

(AKA “Phew! Finished”)

Once your kids are done with homeschooling, and it’s too late for you to fix or change anything, you're a veteran—even if you made it through one year only. You'll have the scars and gray hair (even under your colored roots) to prove it!

Your family will all be better people for going through the process. You’ll have grown through loss, pain, triumph, and achievement, and there will be a collection of human beings that go out and make their mark on the world. Well done!

But the best feeling of all is knowing you were an essential, constituent part of your children's development. That’s the true gift of homeschooling.

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Learn more about the stages by listening to this Brave Writer podcast episode: The Natural Stages of Growth for a Home Educator.

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