Disarming Your Teens

What a cup of coffee will do...

When my oldest hit the teen years, I was under this impression that because we had been so close from zero to twelve, 13 to 18 would be a magical continuation of that closeness. The easy connection I was used to disappeared. It took me by surprise—but it shouldn’t have.

Teenagers have an unarticulated goal—proving to themselves that they’re going to make it as an adult without your help. In other words, no matter how close you believe you are to your teen, part of their growth depends on withdrawing from you—from not including you!

I talk a lot about how to “enchant” an education for children—how we can bring surprise and mystery to learning. But as our kids get older, treasure hunts and finger paints are less enticing.

A question to ask

How do we bring the principles of enchantment and magic to teenagers? What do we do for those kids who are no longer as cuddly and guileless as your smaller children?

It’s not unusual for both parents and teenagers to be mystified by the loss of innocence. Remember when pill bugs and snails were the most fascinating creatures on a walk? Remember when we could all rally around Disney films?

Teens experience the world through a more complex lens. They have powerful technology at their fingertips (or if you restrict their use at your house, they have it in their friend’s phone—we can’t be naive about this). They have a wide array of resources you haven’t even discovered yet that shape how they think, what they want, and their vision for their future.

For the first time, you aren’t the most reliable source of authority in your teen’s life.