Build the Boat

What teens need and want may conflict with what you envisioned for high school

I have a friend named Dotty. She’s my homeschool mentor. Her kids are a bit older than mine and so I had the luck to watch her and learn from her as my kids came up through the ranks. I share about Dotty in my book, The Brave Learner.

When Dotty’s kids got to high school age, her second child chose to go to public high school and I was mortified.

I said to her at the time: “Don’t you remember the books we read about unschooling? Remember that one family where the teenager built a boat, from scratch, in their basement? If we send our kids to public school, will they ever ‘build a boat’—you know, do the big thing that they can do as homeschooled teens?”

The truth is: I worried that if I sent my kids to school, I would be robbing them of a big adventure—of tackling a wildly personal and challenging project. I also felt concerned because Dotty had been such a “lamp unto my feet” all during my years of homeschooling. Was she abandoning this sacred project of home education? Would I be left to figure out the next stage without her?

Dotty’s reply startled me.

Nathan is building his boat. It’s called public high school. This is his big, scary, important project. As far as I’m concerned, I’m still homeschooling him right through this brand new adventure.

That comment stopped me in my tracks.

Could it be possible that some of our teens needed to test their academic skills in a traditional high school?

Was it also possible to see that adventure as a homeschooling project?

These were brand new thoughts for me and I found them strangely liberating!

As our teens grow up, their biggest goal is to find out how to be a grownup.

They wonder: How can I know if I can rely on myself? How will I fare without my parent supervising me all the time?

Will that include traditional high school? A little? A lot? How can we be sure it’s the right decision?