Be Open to Surprise
If we want our kids to be open to surprise then so should we be.
If ever there were a time where we needed to focus on the strengths of home versus school, it is now.
One of the reasons all of us struggle with bringing education into our homes is that we are focused on duplicating what happens in the building called school. Schools are designed the way they are because that’s how you teach a huge number of children at once with adults who are not their parents.
But now, you are at home. How do you get a child to do a math lesson when their entire body says “I’m home; I get to relax”?
The Four Forces of Enchantment
Four ways we can create an inviting home learning experience for our children:
Surprise
Risk
Mystery
Adventure
Today, let’s talk about Surprise.
One of the most difficult parts of any relationship is the fantasy we create in our heads of how it should go as compared with how it really is. We have scripts, we have characters, we have motivations.
All of these items add up to wishing for actions like these: appreciative words; flowers on the right day; a spontaneously cleaned up space without anyone asking; sharing freely; affection and warmth; cooperation; sincerely listening; not judging; space for our breakdowns; help right at the moment, not because we asked for it…
Then we walk into our days unaware of these well-directed scenes at work in our subconscious and measure the people we love by them.
"She didn’t even notice her mess from last night."
"Why are they fighting again?"
"Isn’t anyone aware that I need help?"
Once these imagined scenarios get a grip, we become easily disillusioned or despondent when we're faced with a scene that does not match our hopes.
Stay Open to Surprise
But sometimes, if we stay open, if we can hold back from projecting our expectations onto the ones we love, we might find ourselves surprised. The only part we have to play is sharing an honest feeling with our family members:
“Gosh. I feel discouraged. I can’t rise above the mess to see the good in today.”
“It pains me when I hear fighting between kids that I love.”
Via text: “Help! I feel abandoned and unimportant.”
Some days, if we can let it all out on paper or to a friend, we can then stay present to the surprise: an unexpected hug or love text, the clean up of a small area (even if not the whole thing), kids who repair their relationships without intervention from you, a surprise offer to get you a cup of tea or a glass of juice. Maybe someone will draw you a picture, strewing crayons and bits of paper in its wake but the illustration is priceless goodwill coming your way.
The gift will likely not look like what you imagine in your head.
I know what it feels like to spiral, to imagine that everyone has missed your obvious need and pain. See if you can get a hand hold somewhere (give yourself a pep talk—this feeling is temporary, you can take care of yourself, you will find your joy and equilibrium again), express a real feeling (not an expectation or disappointment), and stay open to the possibility of being surprised.
See how that goes…
Need more support?
Read my book, The Brave Learner: Finding Everyday Magic in Homeschool, Learning, and Life.
🙌🏼🙌🏼 needed this reminder today. Open to the surprise. 💛